We Beat Old King Google

How we did this and why it matters?

So, as you might have noticed, we are all about speed, so naturally, we have to test our customer's results quite frequently, and, since Google has announced that in May 2021, they will officially add the Core Web Vitals to the way they rank websites, speed is now more important than ever. So, we decided we needed to go "Barney Stinson" on this one. We got out our copy of The Legendary Bro Code and, of course, Challenge Accepted.

We throttled our internet to replicate a "Fast 3G" connection. The load time of some sites took so long that Jimmy, our 19-year-old intern tragically passed away from old age. We already knew that this was going to be a tall order, however, living in a country that isn't exactly praised for having great internet speed, we could see the logic so we did our thing.

Now considering we are not selling SEO, we decided to focus on speed and leave the SEO stuff to Neil Patel, he is "rather good" at what he does and smiles a lot. Check out what he has to say about the importance of speed in his article, Speed is a Killer. We managed to get pretty good scores quite quickly but not perfect. Here are some of our first tests.


Bring on Tyson

Well, kind of, we dumped Mike Tyson for someone "a bit sharper" and organised The Legendary Neil Degrasse Tyson, mainly because the birds were making a mess, but we needed brains. He rambled on and on about quantum physics and planets, but we eventually managed to get him to crunch the numbers so we could get our final results, and we got our perfect score.

Our Final Result

We Beat Google

William Shakespeare had this to say

“Speed. O jest unseen, inscrutable, invisible.
As a nose on a man's face, or a weathercock on a steeple!
My master sues to her, and she hath taught her suitor.
He being her pupil, to become her tutor.”

This meant absolutely nothing to us! But we used some Google, and we had an old enigma machine lying around. We managed to decipher it and what an unbelievable let down that was! It returned “tsohtxen” and “one”. Neil had already ducked, and we were stumped so I guess we will never know.